Thursday, February 21, 2008

Jeremiah Bible: Prophet for Profit

Conceived of the proprietor of a Woolworth's franchise and an illegal Mexican cleaning lady at a baseball stadium in a moment of very highly alcoholed and mistaken passion, he hit the road at the age of sixteen with a guitar and a Bible full of misquotes. He traveled the highways of America for years, spreading the not-quite-Word of God, holding pitch-tent revivals and singing ballads to Jezuz, the one and only Son. (The fact that his interest lay more in the Wayward variety was quite lost on his pulpit.)

Rock-a-Bible, Rhythm-and-Bluegrass, God's-Country, whatever the public watched. Jeremiah was in no short supply of chords, words or hordes. Not to mention that the preacher was an expert in the personal instruction of young, impressionable ladies not likely to spread rumors. His apex, both in fame, skill, and amount-of-life-left-behind-him, occurred, unironically, "at the crossroads" -- MacHennessy and 17th Country Road -- where he met the devil. Although short one fiddle, a bargain was struck regarding scales, octaves and tempos.

The battle lasted for almost twelve hours, it's said, until both parties were worn, tired, and out of bandages with which to mend their fingers. It was agreed at that time that Jeremiah Bible would be spared the torments of Hell -- in his case, an eternity of tone-deaf skeptics -- in exchange for teaching a young black man how to play guitar better than anyone else.

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