Boo Tooth

There is a quick and easy way to make yourself look like a total douche: wear a bluetooth headset all the time.

Tit huggers! They're just like the face huggers in Alien, except they latch onto breasts (so you can have two at once! twice the scary!) and do their thing.

You know that experiment where you put chicken bones in vinegar and they eventually get all rubbery?

Well, what if you could hold a mouthful of vinegar for a real long time? Then your teeth would get all rubbery and awesome!

Science!

Time for PUNishment

Lemma 1: Making puns is evil.
Lemma 2: Evil people deserve retribution.

Extrapolation 1: People who make puns are evil.
Extrapolation 2: People who make puns deserve retribution.

Conclusion: The next time you hear someone make a pun (and every time thereafter), you should (morally speaking) punch him or her in the mouth, while holding a bottle of vanilla extract in your fist.